I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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