I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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