And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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