I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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