You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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