i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
