My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
