So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Panties = found
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize