Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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