i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
