That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
