Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am one with the molecules
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who died my cat blue again?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
