The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
