I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
