No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
