Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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