I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
