The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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