she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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