DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
