i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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