We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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