i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
