My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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