so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Damn victory sex feels great
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
