shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
