I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
