I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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