I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
