I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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