Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
