genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
