not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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