hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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