Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
