She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This is the high leading the old right now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
