I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
