I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
