We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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