I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
