Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
