My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
