I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
