I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
