Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
