I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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