Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
