Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
