My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
only you would photoshop your dick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.