He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch