her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.