She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
