Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
