sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
