are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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