i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He did a backflip because drugs
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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