You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
