Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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