its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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