Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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