Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
