So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
