But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
