Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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