yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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