You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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