rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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