No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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