i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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