if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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