I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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