im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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