Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
