none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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