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My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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