fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
