So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
