i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize