Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
